Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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