We're facebook friends in real life
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
