we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
