I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there was a trapeze. enough said
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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