Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
