it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
