k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
