I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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