He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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