Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Randomize
