Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
