if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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