I bet he comes in French.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
