idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
