im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
