I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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