i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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