Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
