You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
