Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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