Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
