I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
