He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
