i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
