Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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