Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
