He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
