one might say we're banned from that church
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
