im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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