my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
