Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
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Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize