I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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