im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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