i will never coherently bang her
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
