Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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