so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
