dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
