Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
