remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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