so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
