So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
