all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
