What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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