What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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