Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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