Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
