i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
