I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
