I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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