he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
