The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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