At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
