I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
