meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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