There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
