he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
