No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
