Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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