we have officially lost it.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
