I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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