all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
