I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
