Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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