hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
