dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
