i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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