mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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