redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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