If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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