I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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