but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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