this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
