i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
