You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
