Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
